Anyone who has read one of my previous blogs posts has probably caught on to the fact I’m single, it’s hard to miss. Well I recently I did the ‘done thing’ and got back on Tinder. Here is where my family friends of an older age range decide if they really want to read this blog… it’ll be okay, I promise. Tinder is a funny thing. I did re-download it November but just wasn’t in the mood for it. You have to be in the mood to deal with Tinder. Since late December, however, when I started really getting back to me I have been loving it. As sad as it may be to admit (I know everyone thinks it so don’t deny it) but I love the mini thrill of a match and reminder you are attractive even if only based on your looks. It was actually a match who pointed out to me Tinder teaches us to forget what we have been told our whole lives, it says judge a book by their cover. Judge that person based on the selection of photos they have chosen to represent themselves.
Bringing me to my first point of call with this blog dedicated to Tinder. The photos. In
creating your profile, for those of you who don’t know, you link your account to Facebook to prove you’re a real person. Not that this always works; bots still get on there. Then from your Facebook page you select photos. You can select up to six and to be perfectly honest there is a lot of thought that can go into this selection. I mean if you’re serious about Tinder and finding someone. You have to find a group of photos that both flatter you, like come on, you’re being judged on looks alone, you have to look good! They also have to show you have a fun side but not as a mess. You have to make the decision; do I include group shots? These are risky as what if your friend is more attractive or they can’t find you in the picture? It may seem like I’m being a bit dramatic here… I’m not. I will be honest, I didn’t put too much thought into my photos as realistically I’m on Tinder to get the matches and swipe on other souls., maybe gain a date or two if conversations go well. However, I do know people who have spent considerable amounts of time selecting.
I have to say though, when looking through other people’s photos there is an unwritten list of things to look for. For example, if all the photos are group shots, it’s likely they’re hoping you don’t realise which one they are. Or if there is a kid in the pictures, you seriously have to consider if it’s their child. Lets not forget the dilemma of a shirtless picture, a shirtless selfie is just a no go thank you, there is room though if it maybe it’s a holiday picture. Also if you have too many ‘gap yah’ photos like please move on. Oh and if it’s obviously a girlfriend/wife in a picture please delete Tinder and never come back. On the off chance it’s an ex – reassess your profile. Yes, these are all things I have seen. See Tinder is hard work at times.
Then you have to decide if you’re going to add a ‘bio.’ I have not. Some add minor details about them. Some try a joke or chat up line. I don’t really think they’re necessary. Although if you have an embarrassing bio or an annoying quotes that’s an automatic swipe no.
Now you get to start swiping! The most superficial way of judging someone but it is so fun. Well, it’s fun as long as you don’t think about the fact you yourself are also being judged the way you’re judging everyone else. Lets move on quickly from that thought. A swipe right is a yes please. Swipe left and it’s a no thank you. It becomes very repetitive. I don’t want to admit how long I may have spent on the app just swiping. It becomes almost a relaxing way to unwind at the end of the day. There is of course the disastrous accidently left/right swipe. Where you either end up with the possibility of matching with someone you really didn’t want to, praise the person who decided an ‘unmatch’ option was necessary! Or alternatively losing the chance of matching with the ridiculously handsome man who you’ve already fanaticised about dating and how quickly he’ll fall in love with all your charms and wit. However, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and maybe my thumb was simply saving me from having to break too many hearts in my lifetime. Thanks thumbs.
Okay, so you’ve made your profile, been swiping away and here come all the matches. This bit can be fun too but beware. Like I said, you get a mini thrill when someone you find attractive also finds you attractive. I guess it’s just a part of our brain that just likes it and sends out endorphins.
Next step? Do you talk to them? Some people start with the simple “Hey, how’s it going?” I am guilty of this. I’m afraid I am no good with the witty first comments. My charms come later and as I ease into it. It does work though and is the start of a conversation, which is something. Others will start with a joke or a ‘Would you rather?’ I quite like these as it breaks the ice. So note to all those potential matches out there reading this… That’s the way to catch my attention and really keep it.
Then there are the creeps. The worst first message I received on Tinder was when it first came out a few years ago. A man felt it was acceptable to say to me: ‘My wife is away this weekend, want to come round for some fun?” I remember exactly because I remember wanting to throw up. My response was simple. “You’re a pig.” Unmatch.
Creeps on tinder. I’d like to say they’re not common, that would be a lie. Offering to come pick me up and take me to yours at 1am when I’ve never met you before? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. A suggestion that I send you a picture? Dream on. Inviting yourself round to watch my film with me when I’ve already said I’m in bed? HA. You better believe I’m in my comfy clothes, hair a mess and eating some form of food, no interruptions allowed.
However, give credit where credit is due. There are also some guys with good chat on Tinder that can hold a normal conversation. On occasion these even offer dates. This is a good thing. My friend and I have been talking about how frustrating it is when a conversation is going well on Tinder and no date is suggested or it is but never transpires. Boys, dates are good! Ask! If I ask to do something and you say yes, follow through. People saying they’re going to do something and not following through drives me insane so if you do, it’s a sure fire way to get unmatched. Granted some matches will never led to a date or meeting but some will and that’s a good thing. You have to sift through the bad chat to find someone who could be fun and go for it.
Now I love dates so may be a little bias. Yes, it is a lot of effort to make myself look acceptable to leave the house for a date but when I’m on them they can be great. I have been on a few Tinder dates at this point. (Both pre-relationship and one post.) They have varied on fun levels. The first one I got so bored and I’ll admit, drank the boredom away steadily throughout the dinner. Not something I would always recommend. For example, lets take a look at my most recent date.
It was okay and funnily enough this blog came up and he asked if he would be written about. At the time I said I didn’t know but yes, you’re included. The idea was nice. Firehouse for drinks, which in the end also included pizza. A good chilled setting for a first date. It was clear he was nervous from the 3 pints in basically downed in succession. Rookie mistake. Getting too drunk too quickly isn’t too good on a date. He was nice enough but yeah it didn’t go so great, simply because being the sober one out of just two people is not fun. Especially when you don’t really know the other person.Time for me to admit it… I ran away whilst he was in the bathroom. I did feel awful but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was done. The date was a long time and there’s only so much a girl can take. If you ever do read this Tinder boy… I’m sorry!
What is sad though is the realisation that dating is moving towards meeting online. It’s so rare now to hear of people meeting through someone talking to you in a coffee shop or randomly meeting. The new place to meet someone is on an online app or website. Yes, the mutual friend route is there, but that comes with it’s own issues. The fact relationships will continue to transpire based on a selection of pictures is a sad state of affairs. Although I guess in a coffee shop it’s based on looks too. At least if you meet in a coffee shop you know they’re a real human and look the way you have already seen them rather than sitting awkwardly where you’re meeting them after memorising their picture and hoping they actually look like it. It sounds creepy I know but that is where we’re at. I personally quite like the idea of a ‘meet-cute’ as they’re called rather than a notification to say I’ve matched with another human.
(Please take note future love interests) However, times are changing. I guess I better get used to the very low chances that is going to happen and settle for apps.
Tinder is a weird idea but it works. It really depends what you’re looking for as to how your experience goes. You also have to be willing to talk to a lot of frogs before you even get the chance to meet a frog, let alone kiss a prince. For a bit of fun and a little confidence boost though it’s great. I know people that have meet their other half on Tinder and are perfectly happy but it does take a while. Anyway, here’s hoping the next date goes a bit better and the fun continues.